The last few days, as expected, have been an emotional
roller coaster for us and we know that he has been for many of you as well. We wanted to share some of our special,
merciful experiences that have occurred over the last few days.
Lady Hiva and I, as we have done many times in the past,
closed the door to the house, turned off the phones and re-grouped. To be
honest, Lady Hiva and I both greet the world with puffy eyes and heavy
hearts...but no matter how hard it is right now, we know the Savior loves us
and we can make it through this together. We miss Aleki fiercely. Our home
seems empty without him. We never know when the grief of sadness will hit. There are moments when we both break down and
cry—when the neighbor boy brought back Aleki’s little sock that must have
fallen off at their house or when we hear another baby’s cry for someone to
hold them. Despite all the hurt of loss,
we have faced challenges before and we know that if we remain close to the Lord
and close to each other that we will heal.
Grieving loss is an interesting aspect of life. We all experience it in different ways. Lady and I, over the years, have been through it and watched our family members go through it. Feelings of anger, frustrations, sadness, fear, and doubt all clamor for our attention. However, we have also learned that when we focus on our relationship with those we love and our relationship with our loving Heavenly Father, we will receive strength, love, mercy, and joy.
Grieving loss is an interesting aspect of life. We all experience it in different ways. Lady and I, over the years, have been through it and watched our family members go through it. Feelings of anger, frustrations, sadness, fear, and doubt all clamor for our attention. However, we have also learned that when we focus on our relationship with those we love and our relationship with our loving Heavenly Father, we will receive strength, love, mercy, and joy.
Just as we have in the past, we have felt an outpouring of
love and support during this heartbreaking time. All of your prayers, messages,
and words of kindness have buoyed us up. We thank you all for that.
This experience leads us to want to ask the question WHY?
Some of the same questions many of you have voiced to us: Why after years of
trying to have children do we have another taken away? Why is life so hard? The
list could go on and on. But we have
also learned, with past challenges, that those questions are fruitless and
dangerous. Instead, our focus is praying for strength to overcome and to
understand the positive.
We know that we have a loving Heavenly Father. He loves each
of us as his children. He knows our strengths, our struggles, our fears and our
talents. We know when we need help, and He sends it. This week that help has
come us in the form of your letters, calls, text and encouragement. It has also
come from Heather and her friend Crystal driving all the way here to spend a
day with us—we were able to laugh and remember life is beautiful even during
dark times. We have also felt that love as members of our ward have left notes
at our door or come to just give hugs and let us sob on their shoulders.
We know that families can be together forever! There is
NOTHING on this earth that can take that away from us. We know that all of our
children who have returned to our heavenly home will be there waiting for us to
join them.
We also know, as hard as it may seem, that agency—the ability
to choose—is an eternal principle in this life. Heavenly Father will never take
it away. We often wonder why bad things happen to good people or what we did to
deserve this or that…that is entirely the wrong way to look at it. Just as we
know Heavenly Father loves us individually, we know he wants us all to learn
and grow. The way we learn that is by making choices and living with those consequences.
Yes, when we see a child go astray, or abuse, or a myriad of
other problems in life we wish we could take the agency away from someone who
is hurting themselves and possibly others. But we can’t. What we can do is pray
to understand that Heavenly Father loves us all and wants us to succeed. He
will send the help we need to overcome and heal.
For example, Aleki came into our lives through a series of choices. And, similarly, he left when his birth mother made a choice to raise him herself. With all the things Lady Hiva and I have learned and stated above, we know that Heavenly Father loves Aleki’s birth mother just as he loves Lady Hiva and I. He would never take away her ability to choose. But He doesn’t just leave us empty and alone.
Lady Hiva and I know that Heavenly Father loved us enough to
send His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth to overcome our pains, our sorrows, our
trials and sins. It is through Him that we feel love and understanding. It is
through that knowledge we receive peace amid heartache.
We may not be able to raise Aleki as we want to, but we
still want to have children someday. We
are thankful for Tau’aho that Lady is still carrying, and he will be a unique
joy of his own--just like Aleki was a joy to us—but he will not a replacement. We
know there will be moments of tears and sorrow. But we also know the future is
bright and we are continually blessed.
