30 on the 30th!

Today I cross the bridge of no return: I turned 30 years old.

I follow Lady Hiva, several family members and friends. Many of them welcome the experience for various reasons—one was excited they can now register to run in the 30-35 year old category for races—others lament this junction of life.

I, however, come to this day with neither excitement nor trepidation. It is what it is. I am no longer in my twenties and can’t fool myself that I am “young.” And conversely, I don’t feel old. So…meh…birthday schmirthday.

I did tell Lady Hiva the only things I wanted were a new pair of running shoes and a jogger stroller so I can take Tau’aho running with me when he is older. We went to buy the shoes and came back with not one pair, but six! (It was a good sale—buy one get one free! YAY!)

Trying it out! Can't wait to actually use it!

I have thought about the last thirty years and they are packed with adventure. As you all know there have been some amazing “Ups” and there have been some I-wouldn’t-believe-it-if-I-wasn’t-experiencing-it kinds of “lows.” Through it all I have, hopefully, become a better person. Because you have read about these experiences, I thought it would be fun to tell you some facts you may not know:

• I am bald—and I’m OK with it. Years ago I came to grips with it. Yes, I would rather have the hair back, but that’s life.
•  I have never had a cavity. I didn’t realize that was normal until I was about 22 when I, for some unexplainable reason, bit a piece of tinfoil and someone watched me started to cringe. Apparently, people with fillers and caps experience an “electric shock” when they do that. It could be due to the fact I always have four or five toothbrushes that I rotate—OCD?? Maybe a bit.
• While we are talking about teeth, I might as well continue. I have all my teeth. Even the four ‘Wisdom Teeth.’ Before you go on your mission they require them be removed but my dentist said, “You have a big mouth” and I was able to keep them.
•  The longest run I have ever done was 27.5 miles in Orlando, Florida.
• I have never run in an official race. I run for personal fulfillment. (This will change because I just signed up to run a RAGNAR next month)
•   When I exercise I listen to classical music and Enya (Lady tells me I am weird)
•  In the last year I published one book and wrote two others. Hopefully they will be published too.
• I have worked 14 different jobs…where I was paid so that is not counting the family farm etc.
• Last time I was tested I have 20/18  vision—but when I was younger I had sand scratch my eye and when I am tired or dehydrated I can see a Y in my vision. I sometimes pretend it is a bulls-eye like some superhero character.
•  I don’t really have a favorite color. I like them all. When I was younger it was red, then orange…now, I usually tell people pink is my favorite—more for shock value than anything.
•  I love suits and shoes…both come and go…but I currently have 14 suits and about 25 pairs of shoes in the closet. 
•    I love the SUN! But I had a mole removed that “looked cancerous” so Lady gets mad at me every time I go running without my shirt. I really am trying to be better about that.
•   I am not really a fan of chocolate. I would rather have something salty or gummy.
• I have only thrown up once in the last 9 years—thanks to an ulcer. I hate throwing up…which is difficult because I have a really bad gag reflex. 
•  I have claustrophobia.

Lucky is 1 Month!

Can you believe it? Tau’aho is 1 month! That is 30 days! 4 weeks! 731 Hours!  

Time has gone by so fast. Lucky continues to grow—I guess all that great food his mum is providing is doing its job. His little cheeks are becoming chubbier and his legs and arms are filling out. Lady Hiva and I love his little rolls under his chin too.

We constantly kissing or squeezing them. I am sure some day he is going to start hating someone always in his face or pinching his rolls. But I just can’t help myself.

Lady Hiva and I comment to each other—at least forty-seven time a day—that we LOVE our little Lucky Man!

The last few weeks have been spent learning to plan our day around his schedule. We sleep, eat, read and do errands when it is convenient for him! HAHA—talk about royal treatment. But we are thankful for every minute of it.

People ask us if we are getting sleep or make some kind of comment about parents of a newborn not sleeping. The reality? No, neither Lady nor I sleep well. (To be fair I never did anyway, now I just have an excuse). However, this journey to be parents has been a long and planned out one, so we welcome the sleepless nights, the pee in the face, the dirty diapers—one after another—and the altered lifestyle. Because with those also comes the cooing, the amazement at new things—like taking a bath—and being able to cuddle with a little being that we (we are bias, we admit) believe is perfect.

It has been fun to have Tau’aho for this last month…something we planned for with all his siblings. Our little Lucky man is such a gift.

Bedhead!

15 Reasons The Last 5 Years of Marriage Have Been Amazing!

 

Lady Hiva and I celebrate completing our 5^th year of marriage today!

Feeling loved and accepted is one of the basic needs in life. Lady Hiva and I talk often how we hope, and pray, that all people in life find someone that makes them feel special and needed. I am thankful that I am married to Lady Hiva—it took some convincing (if you have read White Lilies in Autumn you know she tried to run away a few times! But persistence paid off! Haha) for her to marry me.

The day we married, we took a chance on each other. I loved Lady then, but today, five years later, I can say I love and respect her deeper and more full. I am married to my best friend. She is one of the strongest, most compassionate people I know. I am blessed every day by her giving nature and calm spirit.

Now, I don’t want to insinuate that we, or our marriage, is perfect. Marriage takes work. There are ups and there are downs. Together you face trials, misunderstandings and culture shock as you try to blend your ideals, personalities and goals. We are constantly working at it. Some days we do really well, other days we set goals to do better the next day.

Here are 15 Reasons why I (WE—Lady Hiva and I went over them together and talked them through) believe the last 5 years of marriage have been amazing:

(These are not necessarily in order of importance)

1.  Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend

It is tempting, even after we are married, to spend time with our girl or guy friends and away from our spouse. The reality is, our spouse ought to be our best friend. They are the ones we confide in, laugh with and cry with. Lady Hiva and I have made it a goal to never holiday apart or find reasons to be away from each other. Yes, you need moments of space, but we are happiest when we are together.

2.  Be Honest

The most basic part of any relationship is trust. This is especially true of a marriage. Being open and honest, even when it is awkward or hard to do is the only way to build trust. Both Lady and I have what we call “trust issues.” We highly value honesty and trust and when someone violates that trust it is hard to regain it—if they ever do. We have found it is easier to just be honest with ourselves and our spouses to begin with. It takes a humble and mature person to do it, but it makes a difference.

3. Be Humble

There is no room in a marriage for blame. We all do things wrong, it’s true. Sometimes we even need to be corrected or ask for forgiveness. The only way those can be done is if we avoid blaming and we approach the situation with humility and love.

4.  It’s OK to disagree—IF you work it out

Each of us has different conflict styles. Lady Hiva is an avoider, I confront the issue head on. We learned early on in our marriage that we both had to alter our conflict styles. She had open up more about what was bothering her and I have to not bull-doze. We have realized that it is alright to disagree. Working out differences keeps a relationship healthy. Hiding the problem only causes problems later. We know which topics are “hot” topics for each of us and we only approach those when we are both ready to talk openly and civilly.

5.   Never Argue or Embarrass Your Spouse in Public

There are times when one of us does something the other doesn’t like or appreciate. However, we learned that we cannot, ever, argue or embarrass each other in front of other people. We have all been in the car, or at a dinner with another couple and it gets really awkward fast when a couple starts to bicker or demean each other. It shouldn’t happen—it is degrading and uncalled for.

6.   Find Mutual Hobbies

We all have different hobbies and favorite past times. Find a few that you can enjoy together. That means that both of you may have to try something you don’t necessarily enjoy because that is what your spouse likes. Lady and I read together (we even read Twilight—yikes!), we do crafts, cakes, cook, exercise, find adventures, travel together and enjoy nature.

7.   Believe in each other’s dreams

Long before we were married we had dreams for our lives. Your spouse should be your biggest cheerleader and support system. No dream is dumb, worthless, or problematic. If you cannot tell your spouse a dream, who can you tell? When we were married Lady wanted to be a mother and a doctor. We have worked together to try and get them both, we still have to figure out how to get her MD. Lady also supported me as we move all over the world and as I published a book.

8.  Go on Dates and say ‘I love you.’

Keep the romance and intimacy alive and healthy. Being unselfish is key. Trying to find ways to care for and love your spouse makes a huge difference. Something as small as saying “I love you” or making sure to hug or kiss as you depart each day makes a difference. When we first were married Lady was embarrassed to even hold my hand in public, but she has outgrown that (thankfully). We try to go on weekly dates. The last few months with new babies in our home, our date nights consist of watching Harry Potter movies or turning on ‘The Newly Wed Game’ and answering the questions too to see how well we do.

9.    Pray together

Nothing brings Lady Hiva and I closer than finding time to pray or read scriptures together. Those two things have brought us through some rough patches.

10,  Complement each other

We may think about how great our spouse is, but do we tell them? No matter who we are or how ‘highly’ we are respected, we need to know people accept and love us as we are. Small, genuine, compliments make a enormous difference. On the flip side, there is no room in a marriage for sarcasm or biting criticisms.

11.  Listen and share your feelings

It is pretty hard to have a relationship without communicating. It is easy to fall into a rut where you live in the same house, but you don’t communicate. Hiding behind work, kids or events distract from really talking. Find time to really open up (back to the trust thing) and be willing to listen. Nobody will share deep feelings if they feel the other person won’t respect what is being said. Your marriage should be a ‘safe’ haven to just be yourself.

12.  Cry together

Crying could be viewed as weakness. But the one person you should always feel comfortable breaking down after a stressful day or a heart wrenching trial is your spouse. Lady Hiva and I have shared many, many moments of breaking down. It  isn’t pretty and in those moments you are the most vulnerable but your spouse is there to see it all and love you anyway.

  13. Laugh together

Humor—not sarcasm—but true humor makes any stressful situation more bearable. Find moments to laugh together.

14.  Set goals together

Nothing is completed without first setting a goal. Set goals with your spouse and write them down. Lady Hiva and I sit down on New Year’s Eve every year and set goals together. We have personal goals and family goals. These range from developing talents and traits to financial and relationship goals. We work throughout the year to accomplish them and if we don’t cross them off them are automatically included on the next year. Having goals together sets a mutual understanding for where you are going as a couple and family.

15.  Remember that life won’t be how you planned it, but ENJOY the journey

Never, in all our expectations, could we anticipate what we would have had to face both triumphs and tragedies. Lady Hiva and I joked that our marriage could be its own reality show! Things have happened we wish we could have stopped and wonderful things we didn’t expect.  But through it all, we found joy in the journey. Here are some fun facts about our journey the last five years:

5 years of marriage for Dust and Lady Hiva:

·         Overcame nerves of  the risk of commitment to marriage and made it 5 YEARS!

·         Made countless memories

·         Had seven children come into our lives and watched as six of them were taken away

·         Owned 4 cars together: Jade, Oji-san, Boeing, and Mongoose

·         Lived in 7 houses in 3 cities and 2 different countries

·         Traveled thousands of miles by plane, train, bus, car and Lady Hiva’s favorite: walking (she really doesn’t like it. Last time we were at Disney she told me that if we stayed for extra hours I would have to pack her because her feet hurt. So I did! Haha)

·         Been to 9 countries: Hong Kong, USA, Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, Japan, China, Vietnam, and Bahamas

·         Seen 27 different States together

·         Read hundreds of pages of books together. As I said before this includes Harry Potter, Twilight, the Work and the Glory Series, and many more.

·         Both us graduated from college

·         Became debt free

·         We bought a house

·         Served in several callings in church

·         Learned new hobbies: cake decorating, sewing, swimming, scrapbooking/cricut, flower arrangements,

·         Went sky diving

·         Gained weight. Lost weight. Gained it back again. 

I love you Lady! Here's to many more years! 

An Unexpected Weekend

This weekend was completely unexpected. But it was fun. We introduced our Lucky man, Tau’aho, to traveling.

After being in the house for several months, Lady Hiva was itching to see some of the sights. We left on Saturday morning with the goal of being in Virginia Beach for the afternoon. We loaded our car with all the things you need for a baby...I couldn't believe how much STUFF a  guy so little needs.

HOWEVER, once we hit the 25 miles radius of Fredericksburg, VA people stop knowing how to drive. It took us four hours extra! FOUR hours.  Once we finally made it to Williamsburg, VA we decided that we were not going to make it to the beach for a while, so we stopped and found a hotel.

The last time we were here in Williamsburg—three years ago—we only were here for the Halloween celebration at Busch Gardens. Yes, it was planned for Halloween time—Lady Hiva’s favorite. After we found our hotel we spent the next several hours exploring the well-kept, quaint historical university town.

The brick laid streets and colonial homes were beautiful. The campus of William and Mary is impeccable. Lady and I found ourselves walking aimlessly around the botanical gardens and in and out of the stores. Of course Lady’s favorite stop was the candy store and mine was the Christmas shop.

Because we didn’t have change of clothes for our unplanned stay, so we were lucky to be at a tourist town. At a tourist town is teaming with corny t-shirts. We bought to tourist shirts and then went to buy extra diapers and we were set!

The next morning it was rainy. Just a light rain though. We put Lucky in a carrier and we walked the dirt streets of the colonial village. The actors dressed up in colonial attire and re-enacted scenes from our country’s history. You couldn’t help but be patriotic as they talked about the Declaration of Independence and how it changed their lives—and ours with it.  

We made the remaining trip to Virginia Beach in the rain. However, when we passed Norfolk and went under the tunnel of the Chesapeake we surfaced to sunny blue skies!~

The rest of the afternoon was gorgeous.

Lady and I put Lucky in a stroller and we explored Virginia Beach. The boardwalk, long stretch of sand and small stores gave it the feeling of Florida’s beaches. I told Lady Hiva that I would like to live near a beach again sometime, running up and down the boardwalk could be a daily event.

We even had Hawaiian Shave Ice. YAY! (Sadly, no azuki beans though)

Heading back home from our impromptu holiday I thought we were going to make good time, but as soon as we hit the 25 mile radius of Fredericksburg, the drivers all forgot their heads again! WHAT IS GOING ON?!! Remind me to never live there!